1. Live fully. It's better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't. And it's a lot more fun.

2. Do not lie. Lies are too difficult to keep track of. Besides, the truth hurts, use it.

3. Quit thinking there's an afterlife. You get one chance to live, so suck it up and stop hoping there's a happy ending; there's not. Deal with it.

4. Admit that there is no god. Even if there WERE some 'supreme being'  that created the universe and all the life forms on this planet, it certainly wouldn't give a shit about your pathetic little existence.

5. Accept that you were not meant to do anything. There is no fate, only opportunity. You were not put on this earth, you just happen to be here.

6. Give away your crap. Materialism is shameful. Plus, it's too expensive and it cuts into the beer budget.

7. Take care of yourself. Your body is a temple, so always keep the basement clean because you never know when someone might want to go down there.

8. Don't be a dick. Try to be tolerant. How other people live their life is none of your freaking business. People should be allowed to live however they choose. Except the Campbells. Fuck them assholes.

9. Study dogs. They understand happiness. Watch them and learn from them.

10. Do not celebrate holidays. Every day is special and should be spent well. Do not recognize the date of your birth. It is irrelevant. In Scottish Buddhism you are ageless.

11. Wear comfortable shoes and clean socks. You can't be productive if your feet hurt and you certainly won't get laid if they stink.